WHEN I FIRST NOTICED MY EMOTIONAL BURNOUT

I used to think I was a perfectionist.  I expected every task to be completed perfectly so that no one would complain. I avoided dealing with unfamiliar matters — especially people.  I did not commit easily, but once I did, I would make sure it was completed.  To me, this was the ideal way to live and work.  I did not like complaints. Whenever they appeared, I would analyse them — Was it my fault? Or someone else’s?  But eventually, I discovered something unexpected:  I was emotionally burnt out.

 

I did not realise this until I entered my 30s.  During my 30s and 40s, I was managing more than 100 workers.  Like many corporate leaders, we built systems and expected people to follow them.  But the reality was different.  People do not follow systems consistently.  Some resisted, some ignored instructions, some acted based on personal interest.  And over time, I realised:  The most exhausting part of my job was not the workload — it was dealing with people.  There were days I felt reluctant to even start work, because I could already predict the outcome. I began doubting my own ability.  I did not like the environment, yet I stayed for more than 10 years.  The urgency of work kept pushing me forward.  Eventually, I stopped aiming for excellence — I simply executed tasks just to move things along.  Somewhere along the way, I lost myself.

 

In my 40s, I finally made the decision to leave.  I started learning new skills, especially soft skills, hoping to build a new career as a trainer.  With a more flexible life, I began to understand people better —and also understand why I had been treated the way I was.  I realised that I had been trapped in an environment where I could only perform within narrow limits — almost like living in a cage.  My daily goal used to be simple:  Do routine work correctly, solve problems when they arise.  But over time, I became emotionally drained — especially when people did not follow my expectations.  If something remained unresolved, it would stay in my mind for hours… sometimes affecting my mood, sometimes even my sleep.  Later, I noticed the same pattern appearing in other areas of life — finances, communication, daily challenges. Small matters could affect my mood for an entire day. I became difficult, calculative, and self-focused.

 

About 10 years ago, I attended an NLP Practitioner course.  That was when I began to understand many of my inner “WHYs”.  One idea that struck me deeply was:  “The map is not the territory.”  It helped me realise that people do not see the same reality —they see their own interpretation of it. Our perceptions are shaped by our beliefs, values, and experiences.  In other words, everyone is living inside their own “map”.  When I understood this, I felt a sense of relief. 

Not everything was personal.

Not everything was resistance.

Sometimes, it was simply a different way of seeing the same situation.

This shifted my mindset.  Instead of trying to control outcomes, I began to focus on expanding my own understanding.  I realised that one way to reduce burnout was not by forcing solutions — but by continuing to learn. Reading became part of that process.  As we read, we grow in perspective.  And with greater perspective, we react less emotionally.

 

Today, I still face uncertainties and challenges. But I have learned to let go of many negative thoughts.  Most of the time, it is simply different people viewing the same situation from different angles.  What matters is learning to see things with the right mindset.

 

#emotionalburnout #selfawareness #leadershipjourney #personalgrowth #mindsetshift

#lifelonglearning

A LACK OF APPARENT PROGRESS DOES NOT MEAN FAILURE

As I stepped into my early fifties, the first changes I noticed came from my body. I get tired more easily now. Climbing a flight of stairs can leave me slightly breathless, and at times, I feel less patient at work. Eventually, I realised that what has changed is not only my body, but the subtle rhythm of life itself — money seems to run out faster than before.  Surprisingly, I am not discouraged by these changes. The anxiety I once carried has faded. What keeps me grounded today is the quiet preparation and small reserves I have built over the years.

This year, I intentionally established several habits, especially reading and writing. I began restructuring my daily routines, work priorities, and even how I manage money. It may look like I am simply completing weekly “KPIs,” yet these routines do not feel burdensome. Life may not feel abundant, but I continue doing what is within my capacity. Once a habit settles in, I gently challenge myself — learning new skills, reading more, and improving my communication through Toastmasters — gradually increasing my personal value.  The changes may not be immediately visible, but I can feel myself storing knowledge, experience, and wisdom each day. There is a quiet satisfaction in that.

Life in our fifties is not easy. A moment of carelessness can pull us into difficulty. Anxiety leads to poor sleep, poor sleep affects health, weakened health reduces execution, reduced execution affects income — and anxiety grows again. When nothing changes, this cycle repeats itself. Worse still, when we trap ourselves in one place — physically or mentally — problems rarely solve themselves.

Over the past two years, I have learned the importance of rest, and of not exhausting myself emotionally. Reading has become a form of grounding, especially during restless moments. Without adjusting our mindset, it is difficult to move forward. I have also learned to stop comparing myself with others. Everyone moves according to a different timeline. As long as the direction is right, progress will come in its own time.

At the end of last year, I reviewed my personal scorecard. There was no dramatic breakthrough, but I was certainly better than the year before. I avoided several potential pitfalls. I did not earn much, but I spent where necessary and reduced my debts. To me, that counts as progress.

Today, I am slowly building a rhythm that belongs to me — step by step. Results may not yet be obvious, but I feel steady. Some old habits remain, such as procrastination or spending too much time on my phone, yet I notice good habits gradually replacing the old ones. More importantly, I now give myself time to reflect before making important decisions.

So, a lack of apparent progress does not mean failure. What truly leads to failure is inner emptiness — the absence of learning, growth, and preparation. When we consistently prepare ourselves, we will be ready when opportunities arrive. We do our part, and time will take care of the rest.

 

#MidlifeReflection #SlowProgress #LifeRhythm #PersonalGrowth #HabitBuilding #LearningJourney #QuietStrength #MindfulLiving

 

MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH A MALAY E-BOOK AFFILIATE PLATFORM (Klikjer)

In 2017, when I first started exploring stock trading, I came to know a Malay stock market mentor. He was a dedicated teacher who generously shared his trading knowledge and experience with his students. Through his classes, I learned a complete set of trading concepts and techniques.  Although I did not eventually achieve consistent profits using those methods and gradually stepped away from active trading to focus on work and teaching, a “stock market dream” has always stayed with me. I still hope that one day, I can return to the market, continue learning from my mentor, and achieve better results in investing.

 

One day, my mentor shared a link in our group chat, announcing that he had published an e-book. Students who were interested could purchase it directly from him, and those who wished could also help promote the e-book through a platform and earn commissions.  At that time, I did not have the financial capacity to invest further, so the idea of becoming a platform member and promoting e-books as a form of knowledge-based income seemed like a reasonable option.  That was how I joined the platform as a member.

 

The platform is called 《Klikjer》. Besides my mentor’s e-book, it features works by other authors and allows creators to list their own e-books for sale. What makes this platform particularly distinctive is that all the e-books available are written in Malay. To me, this was both refreshing and intriguing.  Since joining the platform, I have not yet purchased any of the e-books. However, I know that one day, I will start reading them directly from my phone—anytime and anywhere, especially while waiting, traveling, or winding down at night. The convenience of not having to carry physical books and the ability to access reading material instantly are what make e-books especially appealing to me.

Having received a Malay-medium education during my secondary school years, I am quite comfortable with the language. Reading and writing in Malay come naturally to me, and sometimes my comprehension is even faster than when reading Chinese. On this platform, I see not just books, but a wider world of knowledge conveyed through the Malay language.

In today’s information-driven society, access to knowledge itself is a valuable asset. Gaining exposure to another language and understanding a different cultural perspective opens up new ways of seeing the world.

If you are also curious about the wisdom, experiences, and knowledge of the Malay community in Malaysia, you are welcome to visit my e-book page from time to time. Perhaps, when you are ready, you may find a book there that speaks to you.

 

#reflectivewriting #reading&learning #affiliatemarketing #personalgrowth #malaylanguage #digitalproducts #lifeobservations