WHEN I FIRST NOTICED MY EMOTIONAL BURNOUT

I used to think I was a perfectionist.  I expected every task to be completed perfectly so that no one would complain. I avoided dealing with unfamiliar matters — especially people.  I did not commit easily, but once I did, I would make sure it was completed.  To me, this was the ideal way to live and work.  I did not like complaints. Whenever they appeared, I would analyse them — Was it my fault? Or someone else’s?  But eventually, I discovered something unexpected:  I was emotionally burnt out.

 

I did not realise this until I entered my 30s.  During my 30s and 40s, I was managing more than 100 workers.  Like many corporate leaders, we built systems and expected people to follow them.  But the reality was different.  People do not follow systems consistently.  Some resisted, some ignored instructions, some acted based on personal interest.  And over time, I realised:  The most exhausting part of my job was not the workload — it was dealing with people.  There were days I felt reluctant to even start work, because I could already predict the outcome. I began doubting my own ability.  I did not like the environment, yet I stayed for more than 10 years.  The urgency of work kept pushing me forward.  Eventually, I stopped aiming for excellence — I simply executed tasks just to move things along.  Somewhere along the way, I lost myself.

 

In my 40s, I finally made the decision to leave.  I started learning new skills, especially soft skills, hoping to build a new career as a trainer.  With a more flexible life, I began to understand people better —and also understand why I had been treated the way I was.  I realised that I had been trapped in an environment where I could only perform within narrow limits — almost like living in a cage.  My daily goal used to be simple:  Do routine work correctly, solve problems when they arise.  But over time, I became emotionally drained — especially when people did not follow my expectations.  If something remained unresolved, it would stay in my mind for hours… sometimes affecting my mood, sometimes even my sleep.  Later, I noticed the same pattern appearing in other areas of life — finances, communication, daily challenges. Small matters could affect my mood for an entire day. I became difficult, calculative, and self-focused.

 

About 10 years ago, I attended an NLP Practitioner course.  That was when I began to understand many of my inner “WHYs”.  One idea that struck me deeply was:  “The map is not the territory.”  It helped me realise that people do not see the same reality —they see their own interpretation of it. Our perceptions are shaped by our beliefs, values, and experiences.  In other words, everyone is living inside their own “map”.  When I understood this, I felt a sense of relief. 

Not everything was personal.

Not everything was resistance.

Sometimes, it was simply a different way of seeing the same situation.

This shifted my mindset.  Instead of trying to control outcomes, I began to focus on expanding my own understanding.  I realised that one way to reduce burnout was not by forcing solutions — but by continuing to learn. Reading became part of that process.  As we read, we grow in perspective.  And with greater perspective, we react less emotionally.

 

Today, I still face uncertainties and challenges. But I have learned to let go of many negative thoughts.  Most of the time, it is simply different people viewing the same situation from different angles.  What matters is learning to see things with the right mindset.

 

#emotionalburnout #selfawareness #leadershipjourney #personalgrowth #mindsetshift

#lifelonglearning